El FyRe-o
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| posted on 5/13/02 at 05:21 AM |
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Gerbil Adventure
Gerbil Adventure?
It all started in 1967 when a team of proctologist set off on a quest, a quest they would never forget. This was to find the Swedish version of
Atlantis.
After months of searching throughout the world, they finally found it, their biggest mistake. It was inhabited by a large, very large, very very
large, colony of gerbils. But no, these weren’t any old gerbils, these gerbils were lethal vicious killing machines. Their primary weapons were eggs.
These eggs contain a very corrosive acid that annihilates organic tissue on contact. The eggs are thrown at rapid velocities with deadly accuracy. To
exacerbate matters, the gerbils contain a hive mind. Their thoughts and memories are linked through a telepathic network. Anything one of them knows,
the rest know in present and in future. Because of this, they have no need for historical records. Their ability to lay eggs in large quantities makes
them inextinguishable. If you were to eradicate all twelve billion gerbils, all but one, that one gerbil would lay twelve billion fertilized eggs by
means of parthogenesis, which would instantly hatch. As soon as that happened, instantly, a new population of gerbils would be spawned. And to top it
off, they are extremely intelligent and wise (they have a conscience that dates back 4,000 years). With their intelligence, they constructed an army
of 600 million robotic gerbils.
Robotic gerbils are even scarier than their builders. The eggs are laser guided with little propellers, and contain explosives AS WELL as acids. They
have thick metal armor that is very hard to penetrate. One robotic gerbil alone can target and hit something from as far as 18 miles.
Gerbils have an array of wars in their history. One of them is the invasion
of the French version of Atlantis, Romania. Romania’s army consisted of 106 men with broomsticks and a LETHAL bag of potato chips. First, the gerbils
launched the eggs from their homeland. Then they got on boats and sailed to Romania. The Romanian army had received intelligence reports from the Pink
Flamingo Intelligence Agency Thingy (PFIAT) warning the arrival of the gerbils. The Romanian army assembled on the shore opposite to the gerbil’s
homeland’s shore waiting.
Quickly, they ran towards the gerbils and raised their broomsticks. Furiously, but futilely, they struck and whacked the bloodthirsty gerbils. But the
Romanians were completely outnumbered and outmatched. As a last resort, they threw the LETHAL bag of potato chips at them. To their surprise, the
gerbils’ only weakness was their obsession with potato chips. They loved potato chips. Before the LETHAL bag of potato chips even hit the floor, about
600 gerbils rushed in and ate the LETHAL bag of potatoe chips. The poisonous contents of the potato chips inside the LETHAL bag of potatoe chips
caused death in those 600 gerbils. The Romanians were quickly obliterated, all but one.
This Romanian was smarter. He thought outside the box when he used a shotgun instead of a broomstick. He retreated back to his house were he dug a
trench around it. Using barbed wire and tons of land mines he surrounded his house with defenses. Since the eggshells are the only substance that can
tolerate the acid contained in it, he harvested them and covered his house with them. Quickly, he ran to the attic where he kept his weaponry. As fast
as he could, he prepared bombs, artillery, antiaircraft shotguns-for the robotic gerbil eggs- flamethrowers, grenades, and all that good stuff.
The flood of gerbils came. There were gerbils as far as the eye could see. Scattered explosions from the mines killed only a small portion of the
vicious vermin. Seconds later, with his fist he clenched a couple of grenades, took of the pins and threw them out the window. Splatters could be
heard from the eggs hitting against the surface of the house. Next thing he knows, the robotic eggs were launched against him. Luckily for him, he had
the shotgun and effectively shot down the gerbil eggs, except for one. Missing him, it hit the floor opening a huge gap in the top three stories into
the basement were gerbils already underground rushed in and in the house. With desperation he threw the seemingly harmless purple fluffy gnome action
figures on his desk. The gerbils were horrified by the purrle fluffy gnome action figures and began to circle around them and throw eggs at them.
While the gerbils were occupied with the seemingly harmless purple fluffy gnome action figures, he jumped into his quantum teleportation device he got
from Radio Shack and teleported to the gerbil homeland, the Swedish version of Atlantis. After arriving at the teleport destination, he set off
nuclear bomb in the house and blew up all the gerbils in it. All the gerbils were killed but one. One little demon crawling around its homeland left
there just in case all the other gerbils died. Right before it laid his eggs, it heard a sound. “Chk, chk… BOOM”, the gerbil was dead. It was the end
of the gerbil infestation.
The End?
Or is it really the beginning…?
…?
Wait a Minute...
Ok... It's really over now.
No, I mean it. It's Over!
The idiotic fool forgot a gerbil and thus his efforts wasted.
Ok, now it is over.
And the gerbils lived happily everafter.
Ok, Now its really over.
... wrote that for a language arts assignment, had to write a short story
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